Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
