GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
