if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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