I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
