I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
