She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
