Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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