the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
