I just threw up on my dentist
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
