I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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