I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
