i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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