i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
