Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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