Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
