we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
