i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
