my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
