she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
