If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
