we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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