I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
