Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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