he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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