You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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