the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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