Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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