she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
