JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
