i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
