Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
