Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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