new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
