Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
