Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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