No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
