this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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