So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
