you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
