I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
