I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
