don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
