Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
