so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
