I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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