high people should be assigned attendants
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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