Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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