I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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