he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
