I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
