I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont even know how to be here
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
