I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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