In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize