do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
