we have officially mastered the walk of shame
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
