i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
