I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
