Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
