Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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