I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
