hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
