I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
