im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
