i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
