He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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