think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
