he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize