I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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