there's paper in my vomit.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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