Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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