Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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