please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
