we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
