I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
