she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Panties = found
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
