you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
