I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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