Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
