I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
