therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
