Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
