just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't deserve a penis
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
