i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
