sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
