Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
